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Gavin HamnettMS, LMHC
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Different partner, same ending

Individual therapy for adults in New York who keep landing in the same relationship story.

Request a free consultation
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Who This Is For

If you keep ending up in the same kind of relationship, it is rarely bad luck. Early on, each of us learns what love feels like, and later we are drawn to what feels familiar, even when familiar means distant, critical, or unpredictable. Someone steady and kind can feel strangely flat by comparison.

That isn't a flaw in you. It is a pattern, and patterns can be seen and changed. You only need to work on your side of it, which is exactly what individual therapy is for.

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Patterns People Notice

  • Choosing the unavailable

    Being drawn to people who are busy, distant, or half committed.

  • Losing yourself

    Shaping yourself around a partner until you forget what you wanted.

  • The same argument

    Different people, and the same fight about not being heard or not being enough.

  • Leaving first

    Pulling away just as things get close, before anyone can hurt you.

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How I Work With Relationship Patterns

We start with the moment the pattern kicks in. Maybe it is the rush you feel for someone who is hard to read, or the drop in your stomach when a partner goes quiet. With Hakomi, we slow that moment down and notice what your body does, and what belief comes with it, such as "I have to earn love" or "people leave."

Psychodynamic work connects those beliefs to where you first learned them, often in your family. Seeing that clearly doesn't erase the pull. It gives you a pause between the pull and what you do about it, and in that pause, different choices become possible.

More about my approach
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What Sessions Look Like

  1. Tell me the story

    On the free 20 minute call, share as much of the pattern as you want to.

  2. Individual sessions

    55 minutes, weekly or every two weeks, in Rhinebeck, Hudson, or by telehealth in New York.

  3. Working with the present

    We look at what is happening in your relationships now, whether you are dating, partnered, or taking a break.

What Can Shift

What I hope for is that you can choose people from a place of feeling at home in yourself, rather than from old hunger or old fear. With a steadier sense of Self, you tend to notice the warning signs sooner, and the good signs too.

Rates in Brief

Sessions are $160 for 55 minutes. The first step is a complimentary 20 minute phone consultation.

Rates
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Questions People Ask

Can my partner come with me?

No. I see individuals only, not couples. Changing your side of a pattern can still change a lot about a relationship.

Do I need to be in a relationship to work on this?

No. This work makes just as much sense while single, between relationships, or after a breakup.

Will we spend all our time on my childhood?

No. We look at the past when it helps explain the present, and most of our attention stays on your life now.

Related Pages

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Relationships

Individual therapy for adults in New York stuck in the same patterns with partners, family, or colleagues.

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Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy for adults in New York who keep meeting the same patterns and want to know why.

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When Old Hurts Still Shape You

Therapy for adults in New York whose early experiences still shape how they feel about themselves today.

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Start With a Free Consultation

Send me a short message and I'll set up a free 20 minute phone call.

Request a free consultation (845) 532-8336